Lost Whispers
by HeartOfAshes
Summary: Drusilla's POV of what Angelus puts her through before he turns her into a vampire.
1. The Massacre

**DISCLAIMER**: Sure I own Buffy the vampire slayer – same as the earth is flat and my teachers never give me homework! Same goes for Evanescence's songs.

This is basically Dru's point of view from the time when Angelus killed her family until she rises as a vampire. The first chapter is what she is thinking when he forces her to watch him and Darla kill her family. 

I got the idea from the lyrics of Evanescence's 'Whisper' (the parts in italics are the actual lyrics).

This fic is dedicated to my two best friends Kenren T and Konzen, who got me hooked onto fanfics. 

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The Massacre

Screams…

Blood…

Death…

My God….

_"Catch me as I fall"_

Why won't you save me? Why won't you make it stop?

_"Say you're here and it's all over now"_

Why won't you answer me? Is it true that I am the child of the devil? Don't I deserve to be saved?

_"No one's here and I fall into myself_

_The truth drives me into madness"_

Dead. All of them. He killed them all, one by one. Slowly…

_"I know I can stop the pain if I will it all away"_

I try to close my mind to it all. This can't be really happening. It must be a nightmare…one of the hundreds I've had throughout my life.

_"Don't turn away"_

he tells me, smiling cruelly.

_"Don't give in to the pain"_

I tell myself.

_"Don't try to hide"_

the two devils tell me, "There's nowhere left for you to hide."

Neither of you have any mercy on my sisters

_"Though they're screaming your name"_

_"Don't close your eyes"_

You want me to witness your monstrous acts.

But I withdraw into myself.

My family has passed through eternity's doors…

_"God knows what lies behind them"_

I fear I never will.

_"I'm frightened by what I see"_

I never imagined so much suffering in the world – let alone in my own sitting room.

_"But somehow I know there's much more to come"_

Death would be a release from this agony.

Yet he will never release me until I am completely destroyed.

_"Immobilized by my fear_

_and soon to be blinded by tears"_

But before mourning I must run-

for otherwise he will see to it that I am damned.

***

The Convent

_"I can stop the pain if I will it all away"_

I must learn to forget what happened,

Pray for my family's souls.

May God embrace mine once more

And cleanse it from the horror that is Angelus.

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Chapter Two should be up soon. 

This is my first solo fic so I'd really love to be reviewed, even a couple of words just so that I know that whoever is reading it liked it!


	2. Dying

A BIG thank you to moxie fic, konzen, basketball_slayer, spikaholic101 and anyone else who might have reviewed after I typed this.

**DISCLAIMER**: Sure I own Buffy the vampire slayer – same as the earth is flat and my teachers never give me homework! Same goes for Evanescence's songs.

This is basically Dru's point of view from the time when Angelus killed her family until she rises as a vampire. The second chapter is after he killed everyone in the convent and while he's killing her. 

The lyrics in this chapter are from "Tourniquet" (the parts in italics are the actual lyrics).If you haven't actually ever heard these songs it's because they're from the album and haven't been released as singles yet.

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Dying

_"I tried to kill the pain _

_ But only brought more"_

Running was useless. In the end they found me. And inflicted on my mind ten times over the suffering I was trying to escape.

_"And I'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal"_

It's my fault the nuns who took me in are dead. They sought to protect me and I was the death of them.

_"I'm dying praying bleeding and screaming"_

My prayers are not heard. There is nothing left inside me. Not blood, nor sanity…nor hope.

_"Am I too lost to be saved_

_ Am I too lost?"_

The monster holds his bleeding wrist to my mouth. I am lost to my loved ones forever.

_"My God my tourniquet"_

stop this blood from flowing.

_"Return to me salvation"_

Shall I never rest in peace?

_"Do you remember me_

_ lost for so long"_

or am I nothing now? A curse on humanity?

_"will you be on the other side_

_ or will you forget me"_

Will you meet me with open arms my sisters? Or turn me away from heaven's doors in disgust?

_"I'm dying praying bleeding and screaming"_

_"My wounds cry for the grave"_

There is nothing but emptiness around me. I see and hear nothing, yet I feel myself falling into darkness.

_"My soul cries for deliverance"_

yet it is a plea falling on deaf ears.

_"Will I be denied Christ"?_

No one cares. Not for a childe of the damned.

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Hope you liked the chapter! The last one should probably be up by tomorrow (especially if I get loads of reviews!);-) 


	3. Insane in a Grave

Thank you to everyone who reviewed, i.e. kenren, Somaster and Spikaholic101!

And to kenren: In this case childe DOES have an e at the end, it means someone sired by a vampire. Btw, you forgot the 't' at the end of brilliant and 'probably' does not have three 'b's.(I win again!);-p

**DISCLAIMER**: Sure I own Buffy the vampire slayer – same as the earth is flat and my teachers never give me homework! Same goes for Evanescence's songs.

This is basically Dru's point of view from the time when Angelus killed her family until she rises as a vampire. This chapter is when she wakes up inside her coffin.

The lyrics in this chapter are the last part of "Whisper" (the parts in italics are the actual lyrics).If you haven't actually ever heard these songs it's because they're from the album and haven't been released as singles yet.

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**Insane in a Grave **

I wake to see nothing but darkness. A darkness different to the one I fell asleep in.

_"Fallen angels at my feet"_

Around me. In the earth. Dozens of bodies like my own. Why am I the only one moving?

_"Whispered voices at my ear"_

The voices of little children asking me to come out and play. I start wrenching at the cloth, and wood, and dirt around me, digging myself out of this tomb.

_"Death before my eyes_

_ Lying next to me"_

I remember all that happened. Somehow it doesn't matter anymore.

_"Upon my end I shall begin_

_ Forsaking_

_ All I've fallen for…"_

An unbelievable hunger fills me, one which I would do anything to satisfy.

_"…I rise to meet my end"_

Two dark figures wait for me. Drops of blood start raining on us as I go towards them.

Out of the three of us only I can see them.

And none of us is wet.

THE END

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of Dru's life as a human, cause obviously Darla, Angelus and Dru went on to wreak havoc for decades. If anyone who doesn't know a lot about Dru was wondering about the last part, it was one of her visions (I doubt I need to explain what rain of blood means!).

Sorry that the chapter is rather short, but I wanted to use the rest of "Whisper" and there was only a short part that I hadn't already used. There will be one final chapter after this.

Please read and review! (reviews make the world go round!) :-)


	4. Death Comes As the Beginning

Thanks for all the great reviews!

**DISCLAIMER**: Sure I own Buffy the vampire slayer – same as the earth is flat and my teachers never give me homework! Same goes for Evanescence's songs.

This is basically Dru's point of view from the time when Angelus killed her family until she rises as a vampire. This last chapter is how she feels in her new life as a vampire.

The lyrics in this chapter are from "Imaginary" (the parts in italics and quotes are the actual lyrics).

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Death Comes As the Beginning 

_"I linger in the doorway"_

Not dead – but not alive.

_"Alarm clocks screaming _

_Monsters calling my name"_

The demons of my nightmares.

Now they have become the last and only family I shall ever have.

_"Let me stay_

_Where the wind will whisper to me_

_Where the raindrops as they're falling tell a story"_

I still hear whispered secrets inside my head, telling me of what may come to pass.

The difference is that now I'm usually believed – on the rare occasions when they understand what I'm trying to tell them.

_"In my field of paper flowers_

_And candy clouds of lullaby_

_I lie inside myself for hours _

_And watch my purple sky fly over me"_

I'm still there, locked up inside my mind. The happy little girl to whose childlike eyes the world was made up of a delightful wonderland.

_"Don't say I'm not in touch_

_With this rampant chaos – your reality"_

I had to distance myself from it – just because it was _their_ reality it didn't have to be mine.

It doesn't mean I'm not aware of what is happening around me, but I can still pretend that it isn't real.

_"I know well what lies beyond my sleeping refuge"_

A world filled with the strong and the weak, divided between the predators and their prey. A fragile line separating them, that I was forced to cross.

_"The nightmare I built my own world to escape"_

Now I visit on others the pain and suffering visited on me. A part of me glories in their screaming, and is brought to life by their deaths.

And a part of me dies with them, the part that still cries at the memory of my family. What they went through. Because of ME.

And so I stay inside my mind, where I can leave everything behind me.

Except for the whispers. _This will happen. And that. Someone coming. Who will change things._ They've been saying that for a while now.

_"Swallowed up in the sound of my screaming"_

In my dreams my screams and those of my victims intertwine, become indistinguishable. Screams dancing in my head, wearing pretty dresses of bleeding velvet and black roses in their hair.

_"Cannot cease for the fear of silent nights"_

I dread being alone. I used to run from the two of them but now I am afraid they will be the ones to run from me, leaving me by myself. I need to be loved, or at least wanted. But they don't want me since I can't scream for them anymore. I'm just a broken dolly going to tea parties with Miss Edith.

_"Oh how I long for the deep sleep dreaming"_

I asked the stars playing on lakes what it is like to be completely at peace, and they told me I would find out for myself, but not for a while yet. First I will find peace of a different kind, the kind given by someone else.

_"The goddess of imaginary light"_

The light was taken away from me, and I was snatched back as I was about to reach it. I belong to the dark now.

Dark goddess. Yes, that's what he'll call me.

I'll be his dark goddess and he'll be my black knight.

The peace the world tore away from us we'll find in one another. And together we'll tear away the world's peace with wicked dragon's teeth, leaving burning scars wherever we go.

I'll find him soon. When I do we'll be together forever and a day.

And he will help me drag my imagined reality into the screaming world.

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This time it really is the end of Lost Whispers. The story continues in Spike's POV in my fic Everybody's Fool.

Thank you to everyone who takes the time to read and review, it's always greatly appreciated! :-)


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